I know its been over a year since I’ve last posted. It embarrasses me that it was that big of a gap but its not something I can change. 2016 was a really rough year for me. Rougher than I’d say 99% of the people in my life truly realize.
There was many great moments. Riley and I moved out into our own place. That allowed us the freedom to have friends over and the ability to live how we wanted. It added Storm “Trooper” Cruz as a member of our family.
The move was a huge struggle on me financially. A good portion of the year I was working 3 jobs just to barely make ends meet. I wouldn’t change it for anything because mentally and emotionally it was the best thing for us. But when most weeks you’re worrying if you’ll have enough food for the week it doesn’t really give you the freedom to test out recipes. Hard to justify taking a risk on a new recipe that could be awful or spend a minimum of $5 on a new gluten free product just for a blog post.
2016 also brought me one of the most important people in my life. He showed me a love I’ve never experienced before. He has been a support, a sounding board, a highlight to my day and a calming presence. He accepted me for me in a way no one has every done before. Never once pointing out a flaw or telling me I like this but not this or you should fix this. If anything he embraced things I viewed as flaws better that I could have ever hoped of someone.
In what feels like a blink of an eye yet at the same time the longest moment of my life, a simple conversation changed everything in not just my little world but Riley’s. I will never fully understand why it happened or what all was said. All I do know is I will never forget the sound of heartbreak in his voice and how everything came crashing down. That moment started a spiral of depression like nothing I’ve felt before. Looking back I don’t know how I functioned at all. Apparently I was doing enough of a job at it that no one noticed. No one asked how I was doing, no one asked how they could help, no one asked what I needed. Guess thats the downfall of a sarcastic self deprecating homebody… people can’t tell when you’re dying inside or feel so numb that just getting out of bed felt like a huge accomplishment.
Baking is a huge stress/ depression relief for me but as I stated earlier I couldn’t afford to do that. So I had very little motivation to get up and do anything other than wallow in my sad thoughts. It was this horrible loop I was stuck in and truly hope I didn’t screw up Ry too much.
I’m determined to make 2017 a better year. I have to continue to crawl my way out of this depression not just for me but for Riley. He shouldn’t have to ask if I’m going to be sad again this weekend. He deserves the mom that bakes him cookies and crackers so he can fit in. He deserves a mom that he can make fun memories with.
So I hope you join me back on this journey of gluten free recipes, products and humor.